Nothing Sharper

Despite the rain, January’s Critical Mass was perhaps my most fun yet. Ironically, this was not because of the festival atmosphere that accompanies larger Masses, but because of the utter lunacy of the police response.

In my new poncho and gloves (thanks, friendly people at City Bicycle Works!), I pedaled on over to Fremont Park at 5:15, in case any cops or cyclists showed up early. Unlike December, when the cops were already out in force by 5:00, the early response this month was nonexistent. So, I strolled around the park a bit, contemplated a Starbucks run for some tea, and waited until 5:30, when a second cyclist arrived. We jawed for a bit about the ride and the rain and sighed melancholy about how we wouldn’t be able to drag a few dozen miserable bike cops through the rain.

A few other cyclists showed up in the next few minutes, and we talked and laughed as the first cop car rolled up around 5:40. Then the CSI SUV arrived. Then the unmarked all-black car. Then the motorcycle cop rode by. Then the police cars started driving past, one after another. One officer, the apparent second-in-command behind Sgt. Sanchez at last month’s ride, came out to chat and give us what is becoming known as “The Spiel". We worked out that she could save her breath and only give it once, since we were going to get underway just after 6:00. She retreated back to her dry car, and we futzed about until some newly arrived bike cops showed up. The lead officer came back out, gave us The Spiel, and off we went.

A few minutes after 6:00, eight bicycles cruised up 16th Street. Followed by four or five bicycle cops. Followed by three or four cars, each holding two police officers. Let me reiterate: this was about a dozen police officers assigned to make sure eight bicyclists adhered closely to the rules of the road. To do this, they kept two lanes perpetually blocked behind us. Since we stuck more or less to the much-reviled single-file rule, the police cars blocking the lanes were roughly a block behind the lead bike. This meant that two-lane roads like 19th were completely traffic-free, while cars could pass us in one lane as we moved down three-lane roads like J and 15th.

Now, at its height, Critical Mass was a river of bicycles one lane wide and two blocks long. At its lowest ebb last Friday, it was a handful of bicycles that managed to obstruct two or three lanes for an entire block. To a Masser with an obstructionist or attention-grabbing bent, we’ve never done better! Though there wasn’t the same party atmosphere as in previous months, it was still a whole lot of fun, and with the road to ourselves, lane changes were never easier.

The Mass quickly lost three members to the combination of weather and apparent conciliation to police demands, but the remaining five of us were really getting a kick out of it and chumming it up, so we kept the police tailing us until about 7:15, when we finally settled in at the OT for some post-Mass beers.

Unfortunately, I only have a handful of pictures in the gallery. At first, I was only going to take a few pictures here and there, but I only had the one set of fully-charged AA batteries with me. When another bicyclist’s front light died, I lent him the batteries, so my camera was off for the ride. Given the terrible conditions and difficulty I would have had getting my camera out of a dry pocket under my poncho, it’s probably for the best anyway. The only loss is that I don’t have a picture of the long line of police vehicles trailing the few of us.